I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
