I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
