I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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