remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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