I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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