Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
