She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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