Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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