dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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