You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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