im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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