my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
