she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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