i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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