omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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