You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
