i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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