I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
