Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the day after is always just damage control
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
