There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
