I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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