Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
