Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
