Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
