Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
