I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
