I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
