Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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