it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
