There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
