I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
