I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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