the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
