Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
