I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
