I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She bit a glass in half.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
