I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
