Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Drake has all the answers
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
