DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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