Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
