you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
