I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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