Apparently you make a good broom.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The air was thick with penises
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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