I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
