And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
