you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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