I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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