she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
