Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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