By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
