I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
