I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
