The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
