A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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