Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
