it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
